Mali’s Mouth

 Comments from my twelve-year-old girl

My husband: “Lonna. What size shirt are you? A medium?”
Me: “Yes. I am a medium.”
Mali: “Cool! What am I thinking right now?”

“I just took a fart.”

“You know what’s weird? Tampons look like sperm.”

Unsolicited: “Mom, for your information, I’ve changed my pants.”

Concerning my fleece snowman-footed pajamas: “You should unbutton the top button and show a little skin so your husband will find you attractive.”

“I just had a hardcore poop. Some of it stayed at the bottom and some of it swirled to the top…because its density is lower than water.”

(Earlier in the day, my husband gave her two Tylenol for a fever.)
Me: “Are you sure you want to go to the store?”
Mali: “What are you talking about? I feel awesome. I’m all hopped up on pills.”

About My Step-Dad’s a Freakin’ Vampire: “I can’t even enjoy this movie. It’s too close to home. It’s like my real life.”

One thought on “Mali’s Mouth

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  1. I’m glad I’m not the only one who keeps track of statements like these. My kids are a little younger (7 and 10 at the moment) so their moments of brilliance aren’t as edgy (yet), but I get to witness nuggets like, “Mom, can I brush my teeth with mustard?” You just gotta write that sh*t down and bring it out on a rainy day. Thanks for sharing yours!!!

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