Not Max’s First Day Of School

Maxwell, being the third child, is doomed to a life time of secondhand clothing and less pictures. Because of this, I’ve decided to make Mali and Simon’s first day of school all about him.

The night before, I could tell that Maxwell was jealous and felt left out. (Mother’s intuition.) He wanted to go to school and learn. I desperately tried to include him by asking him what he thought his first day of school was going to be like. So, he showed me what he thought he would look like during his first day at college.

I reminded him that alcohol and drugs can be detrimental to a person’s scholastic career…and quickly changed the subject.

Max showed no signs of excitement for his sister or brother and continued on his normal routine. As usual, he simultaneously took a bath in his baby tub and cleaned the kitchen floor. Afterwards, he fell asleep.

Like Max, Simon also slept. He had dreams of playing with his new friends in Pre-K: The 4 Year Old Edition.

Meanwhile, Mali insisted on having Manic Panic Vampire Red hair for her first day of the seventh grade. Manic Panic is a vegetable-based dye that gradually washes out. Not only is it safe for a 7th grader (under adult supervision), it’s available in every crayon shade. I was drafted to help her complete this task. I asked her to kneel over the tub, so I could rinse out her hair. She did this in a standing position. I had to actually demonstrate by getting on my knees and kneeling over it. Note to self: make this child do more housework or attend a Catholic Church. Maxwell slept during the whole endeavor: through Mali’s horrendous gas to her accusing me of using her to practice waterboarding (which the US doesn’t consider as torture anyway, so if I were, what’s the big deal).

Max awoke on THE BIG DAY, downed 7 ounces, and went back to bed.

How did my body handle this morning of the first day hysteria?The snot-producing goblet cells within my nose were so pepped up that they decided to overthrow the government. Someone asked me what party they were. I replied, “They’re from the Green Party. Duh!” Then, it hit me that no member of the Green Party would every want me to waste that many tissues because that would be bad for the environment. They must be Republican. Simon inquired why I was wearing a marshmallow on my nose.

I enjoyed waking Mali and Simon at 6:30 , which is an hour earlier than Simon gets up during the summer. Here are the first few moments.

Simon not eating his cereal.

Mali going AWOL.

To show how normal our family is, we took the obligatory first day of school picture.

First Day of School 2012

Watching Simon get on the bus and Mali escape from the house, reminded me to savor every moment with my children. Maxwell has two teeth, can stand up, and is determined to walk out of this place. Each one is starting a new chapter in their lives and won’t be living in the same house with me forever. I must find a way to spend more time with them and nag them as much as possible. Someday, they’ll be in college (fingers crossed), occupying their time however they choose.  Let’s hope it’s productive.

7 thoughts on “Not Max’s First Day Of School

  1. Colored hair is all the rage for girls, it seems, and black middle socks for the middle school boys, lol.

    I hope Mali and Simon had a great school day, and I hope Maxwell enjoyed his alone time with mom! 🙂

    Happy weekend.


  2. What a fun post! I hope they all had good first days. Too funny that you had to demonstrate how to lean over the tub. When we used to color my hair, my mom would make me lean over the kitchen sink and use the sprayer. Thank goodness I’ve gone natural now and don’t have to deal with coloring anymore!! Hope you guys have a wonderful weekend.


  3. How fun! My 2yo is named Max. My 8mo’s middle name is Simon! He also just got his first teeth. Oh – I remember those middle school days! I used Sun-In for weeks before school started (max strength of course) so I could be blonde. I was orange. For months. My parents made me grow it out and cut it off rather than color it. 🙂


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