Three times, I was a born again virgin.

Titled so because Once, I was a born again virgin was blatantly false and Twelve times, I was a born again virgin sounded too slutty.

Three times in my life, I declared myself a born again virgin. The first time was in high school shortly after making the biggest mistake I had made up to that point. Doing this was going to somehow make it all seem as if it had never happened.

The second time was during college. I spent years waiting for a guy friend of mine to realize we were meant to be together and  jump all over me in a totally inappropriate manner. I was delusional and even found his uni-brow attractive. Hours were wasted praying to every god imaginable. I figured there was power in numbers. I figured wrong.

Then one day, I gave up, found someone to have a three year destructive relationship with, and wasted more time. After shredding my heart, I rebounded to Mali’s biological father, and then moved on to another period of born again virginity. AN ALMOST TEN YEAR PERIOD!

I would have made the perfect nun. Sure I wasn’t Catholic, was an unwed mother, but I had the abstinence thing down and looked awesome in black.

Ten years? Yes. Really? Yes. Nothing? No non-related male kisses. Not one date. Not a single mistake.

For me, a definite connection was made between love and sex. Being too busy caring for my daughter and feeling full doing so disabled me from looking around. I was all she had. She was all I had. That was enough. I had no room for mistakes.

And then there was Brian. Sex had finally gained the specialness it was supposed to have.

I had cleansed myself so thoroughly that I was okay wearing white on my wedding day even if I was 12 weeks pregnant. I’m glad I saved myself for him.

And it had only taken three, twelve, one, twenty-four, or more times…but who’s counting?

6 thoughts on “Three times, I was a born again virgin.

  1. Aaaawwww… waiting for Brian was all worth it.

    Ten years? I’m not entirely sure I can go that long. But then again, you’re right. Love and sex are deeply connected, and I don’t think I can ever do it again without having special feelings for the other person. Right now, my daughter is more than enough.

    I know I’ll find my “Brian” too.. someday…


  2. I believe most of us have gone through something like that or similar to it. As long as we learn from those things, then it is all good. I do believe also that love and sex are connected, and without love the sex is nothing! Ten years is a long time, but good for you and your daughter! I love happy endings!


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