Saying that our trip to Sesame Place was for the children would be a lie. The truth is: Brian hasn’t always been the only man in my life.
My first love was dark, exotic, and intelligent. Even though the Count von Count was irresistible, we grew apart. No matter how hard I tried I couldn’t understand the symbols he sang about. My chances of passing Calculus III = the probability of me becoming an organ player. Less than or equal to zero. That’s when Ernie appeared and swept me away.
He was slightly older, but I didn’t let that get between us. He was awesome, fun-loving, into art, and THAT SMILE! Wow! We even had the same birthday, January 28th. It was as if we were meant to be together. I LOVED HIM SO MUCH that he made an appearance on my 1st and 22nd birthday cake. He’s the guy I have measured every date against. Not one of them came close until Brian. Brian embodies all of Ernie’s positive attributes (smile/ears/etc.) and more. Unlike Ernie, Brian can skateboard and he’s human. That goes a long way.
Whether or not the rest of my family was aware, we were at Sesame Place FOR ME.
As we stood in the ticket line, my nerves took over. Not only was I concerned about someone mistaking me for Bert because I couldn’t find my tweezers at home, Max dropped his binky repeatedly, and a little girl whined about having to pee. I was determined not to let any of this take away from me having a sunny day.
While Brian took Simon up the the top of the nets to relive part of his youth, I decided to introduce my six month old to the wonderful world of communal play. I found a spot far enough away from the trajectory of toddlers, took off my shoes, and sat down…in a puddle. I looked around at numerous other wet spots and wondered, “Do they hose this place down frequently? Is this residual moisture from the water park? Or is this liquid resulting from the surrounding, potty-training preschoolers? Did I just sit in pee?”
We went to see Elmo’s World Live. La, la, la, la. Elmo came out from the back and danced down the aisle towards the stage. All six feet of him. I was concerned that Simon was going to see the size of “Elmo” and know he was duped. But I was relieved that it wasn’t a man with an Elmo puppet, because I’m not at the point where I’d feel comfortable explaining to Simon the importance of prostate exams. Mr. Noodle’s brother, Mr. Noodle, wasn’t available, so they got Mr. Noodles’ brother’s second cousin’s brother-from-another-mother’s nephew, Mr. Noodle, came and did his best Running Man. Disappointingly, he didn’t do his MC Hammer or Cabbage Patch. He didn’t even Tootsie Roll.
Mali was on a mission to empty our bank account. She kept saying, “Simon, if you’re good, I’ll buy you ice cream before we leave,” and “Simon, I’ll get you a balloon.”
Mali said, “I’m not having fun, but I’m not NOT having fun.” I couldn’t understand how a tween could NOT have fun in this place. I would have at her age.
I was disappointed that I was unable to take pictures with all of my favorites. Max had to be fed during Bert and Ernie’s appearance. (Mali wanted her picture taken with the Count because he’s so goth, but Simon wouldn’t comply.) I did get one to add to my collection. Thankfully, Brian used the Nikon and not the cell phone for optimal clarity.
How much did all of this cost (not including pain and suffering)?
4 two day tickets @ $57.99, which are the same price as one day: $231.96 (*Max was under 24 months therefore FREE)
General Parking: $15.00
Sprite 20 oz. plus tax: $3.17
Trendy Wafer Sunglasses for Mali: $15.95
Big Bird 13″ Beanie Babie: $13.95
Minute Maid lemonade: $2.99
Regular soda: $2.99
Chocolate soft serve in a cup: $2.99
2 vanilla soft serves in waffle cones: $7.98
1 Southwestern veggie wrap: $9.99
2 kids size mac-n-cheese meals: $17.98
1 pickle: $1.99
1 bacon cheeseburger with fries for Mali: $10.98 (Since this is what her plate looked like when she was done, it looks like she owes me at least $5.00)
Why would we pay so much, not counting my obsession with Sesame Street? The unsolicited photograph below says it all.
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