Andy Samberg, Akiva Shaffer, and Jorma Taccone…what have you done to me?
When someone finds a cure, please contact me as soon as possible. I’m in need of immediate treatment…
Be aware of the symptoms. Check yourself and your family for them daily. This condition may not be lethal, but is life altering and serious. This epidemic’s rapidly sweeping the country and claiming more victims every day.
The Swine Samberg Flu Symptoms:
1. Slightly elevated temperature when hearing the names, Andy, Jorma, or Kiv. An increase in heart rate is also observed.
2. An illogical yearning for SNL, even on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and Sunday mornings/afternoons.
3. A overwhelming desire to be on a boat and throw objects and people to the ground. (If you are actually on a boat or have succumbed to throwing stuff on the ground–SEEK HELP NOW! My niece’s 8th birthday party last week was especially difficult for me. She’s such a poser. The kitchen linoleum was calling out for that piece of chocolate cake, but I resisted.
4. Having recurrent sexual dreams where you: have a half-eaten squirrel hanging out of your mouth, are the president of Iran, The Boss, or an alien pedophile.
5. You have replaced the potato chips in your cupboard with cupcakes and/or Chex Mix.
6. You like sports and you don’t care who knows.
7. You can’t stop blogging about them.
***Make sure you vote for them. They’ve been nominated for TWO People’s Choice Awards!!!
Warning: This is the uncensored version and contains foul language that may not be appropriate for young children and other people with sensitive ears, blah, blah, blah…