Shirt Or No Shirt

“All men are created equal.” The Declaration of Independence

Apparently not.

If you have just eaten, you may want to rethink this. Wait one hour.

My daughter and I had first discovered fatboygetdown a few weeks ago during one of our all-day-long Youtube Sunday fests. Both of us had a craving to sing Britney’s Womanizer when we crashed into his rendition of it and My Humps.

I could go on about how he’s exploiting himself, whether he grew up without a father figure, or if his level of self-esteem ever rises above sea level.

But I won’t.

Not only am I jealous of his breast size, I envy his ability to legally show the world his mammory glands without having to face steep monetary fines. Boobs are boobs! I’m sorry and those fleshy patches hanging from his chest are definitely in the “boob” category.

This is not fair! In order for me to do the same, I have to either move from my native country (The United States of America, The Home of the Free) or make a career change. Such sexism in the 21st century is unthinkable.

Speaking with my mother about this injustice, she said, “It’s okay because men wouldn’t find another guy’s boobs attractive.”

My Response:

1. Law is not scripted per man’s sexual tastes.

2. Women exist that men would find arousal impossible even if they were disrobed.

And it’s still illegal for them to run around topless.

Here are a few.


Janet Reno



Opening Night New York City Ballet


(I could be wrong about this one. Never underestimate a man’s ability to erase a face. Ferris Bueller sure did.)

3. Some men may find even man boobs titillating.

There are those who become sexually stimulated by stuffed animals and balloon popping. And no one’s putting clothing on these.

It’s okay for the Joker.


And Simon.


And Vinnie Barbarino.


But not for me!


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